5.21 /// Presence Over Presents

Can the holiday season be truly joyous without the pressure of gift-giving? Join me as I unpack the complex world of gifts, reflecting on how societal norms and commercial pressures can overshadow genuine gestures of love and appreciation. Drawing from personal memories where gifts were linked to behavior and budgets, I explore how these experiences shaped my understanding of giving and receiving. As the fifth season draws to a close, I'm eager to share the exciting plans for the next season, including our new venture into video podcasts that will bring fresh perspectives to the conversations we cherish.

This episode takes a closer look at traditions, expectations, and the meaningful connections that make special occasions genuinely memorable. Discover why Sarah and I chose to skip exchanging Christmas gifts in favor of creating shared memories, and how this decision has redefined our holiday experiences. I also discuss the ongoing tradition of gift-giving with friends and how finding the perfect present can sometimes become a challenge. By valuing presence over presents, I advocate for spending quality time with loved ones, pondering the commercialization of holidays and its impact on authentic relationships. Join the conversation that questions the norms and celebrates the essence of human connection.

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Chapters

• 0:00 The Meaning of Gift Giving
• 9:33 Pressure and Expectations of Gift Giving
• 15:17 Gift Giving

Transcript

Stephen: 0:00

Hello and welcome to Infinite Prattle. On today's episode I'm going to be talking about the thing about giving gifts and receiving gifts and the whole gift giving fiasco of Christmas and birthdays and what that really means to everyone.

Stephen: 0:23

Infinite Trattle, unscripted, unedited prattle on everything Hosted by me. Stephen, listen like, share, subscribe and enjoy the show.

Stephen: 0:40

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Thank you very much for joining me. Apologies, this episode is late. Today. I have been working over Christmas. I hope you've had a lovely Christmas, by the way. I've been working, as I think I said in the last episode, and I've just completely as you do around Christmas time completely lost track of what day it is, who I am, etc. And I woke up today with the intention of recording a podcast and just completely got distracted and I think I thought it was Saturday and thought, oh, it's fine, so it's just dropped on my brain. And just before I was eating my tea a couple of hours ago, I was like, oh, I haven't done my podcast. Well, it's late now. So because that was about half six, I think, when I realised and it's about eight o'clock as I'm recording this. So, apologies, apologies, but thank you for joining me. Thank you for your patience and joining me. I hope you've had a lovely Christmas yourselves going into the new year.

Stephen: 1:35

This week, not many episodes left of Infinite Prattle. There's only going to be a couple of episodes to go before the end of Series 5, which is amazing. So thank you for everyone that stuck with me. Who's five whole series of this show. I'm working on some, some stuff for the next season. I always say this, I know I do, but I'm really trying to work hard at get myself organized and Trying to do the things. I'm gonna say we're gonna do and not make too many promises, but I have some ideas about how to manage season six. So stay with me and I'll tell you about that, probably on social media, and gonna try and do a few more vlogs and and I'm trying to I'm gonna try and do some video podcasts as well and definitely in season six, if not the whole thing let's see how we organize the am between now and the start of season six.

Stephen: 2:26

Anywho, um, the topic for today is, I think, just giving gifts, really, and the whole idea of of feeling the need to give a gift. Um, because I think it's kind of lost on me and I don't mean to sound like a scrooge or because I think it's kind of lost on me and I don't mean to sound like a Scrooge or mean person or mean-spirited or just stingy. Basically, I just think that it's kind of lost, something where everyone just feels obliged to get someone something, no matter what it is, no matter kind of how crap it is or you know, useless it is. And and I feel like I wouldn't come across badly today I think I feel like I'm gonna come across as like an absolute arsehole but I love christmas, I love birthdays and I love receiving gifts.

Stephen: 3:17

I love giving gifts, but I think it's there's gonna be a purpose to it and I think there's gonna be some meaning to the gift you're giving. Or you've got to understand the person that you're giving the gift to, whether they actually would want to receive that, or whether they appreciate that, or whether that would put pressure on them to get you a gift back, because I think that's then it becomes for me. It would then become kind of pointless as to why you're doing it in the first place so anyway anyway um, strip it right back, let's strip it right back.

Stephen: 3:51

So in in the uk, generally, the time you give gifts is probably like most places around the world, so I'm just gonna adjust my microphone. I did. I'm not organized at all today, so I apologize. Uh, yeah, so in the UK, birthdays and Christmas are the big gift giving times. Um, we also have Mother's Day and Father's Day, where you give your parents presents.

Stephen: 4:15

Uh, christenings are a little bit of less of a thing, but there's some traditional things that you would buy someone a christening, and I think that's pretty much it. I can't think of it on my head any other time, apart from Easter maybe, um, where Easter, easter eggs, are a thing in the UK, um, and probably again around the world, as it's become probably more commercialized, um, and that's that's the thing, isn't it? Commercialism drives everything, um, but I think when I was a kid, I was saying I've touched on this in the show before, but it's when I was a kid, you know, birthday presents, christmas presents and stuff were, and treats throughout the year in general were based on behavior, were based on money. You know we my mom and dad didn't put themselves in debt to buy us stuff. They saved up and they did what they could and I not spoiled. I was also not, you know, mistreated like that. I was very I got some amazing gifts when I was a kid, but I wasn't, um, I wouldn't, I wouldn't say I would spoilt. I was always, as a kid, you always wanted more. As an adult, you're always wanting more. But I if I asked for something, but I if I asked for something, I would either have to sacrifice something to get that or there was a compromise, and sometimes you know, if it wasn't something out of the realms of, of of potential for my parents, then you know, um, I would maybe get a good gift one year, then my brother would get a good gift the next year, and you know. So we took it in kind of turns to get like a big, a big expensive present, uh, rather than just both. And I think that's good because it teaches you a little bit of like humility and teaches you a bit about value and how you've got to work for things. Um, my parents definitely did, um make me work for any presents I got and any pocket money. I did an episode on chores I think it was this season or the end of last season About you know how, go and listen to it, obviously, but how I worked bloody hard for the money I got, and I didn't really get pocket money, but then it wasn't like withheld from me neither, but I had to behave myself and do some little jobs around the house. So it's, it's one of them things where I I kind of understand the value of money and I was.

Stephen: 6:35

I was always giving people presents. I was, I was drawn into that whole. You must get everyone a present, kind of thing, no matter how small, make that gesture a present. And I think the older and older I got, especially when you have to buy the presents yourself and again, I'm not saying I'm a scrooge, but it kind of makes you think that you know Someone buys you something and then you buy someone else something. I always kind of think, well, they knew they wanted that thing, they could have bought it themselves. They knew I wanted that thing, they could have just bought it themselves. They knew I wanted that thing, I could have just bought it myself To save the stress of buying each other presents. I just feel like it's just too much of a I don't know, it's too much of a hassle to do it that way and I've always been very much a social person, like, as you can tell, like I do like talking, infinite prattle and all that and and even the original podcast called steven speak, you know it's all around.

Stephen: 7:30

I do like chatting away, I do like my own quiet time. I can be an introvert when I, when I, you know, when the, when the mood takes me, and be very introvert, but generally, in the right situation I'm quite extrovert. I like to talk and lead a conversation and almost kind of be center of the storytelling. Not all the time I like to handle the torch, but I love to listen as well, but I love to share, you know, stories and stuff like that and I think that I appreciate that interaction more than someone giving me a present.

Stephen: 8:05

So when I got a bit older I think that the present giving wasn't as important to me as seeing my friends. So a lot of my friends there's a couple of my close friends. We've never bought each other presents, like very, very few, and far between there's a couple of friends I've known since I was a toddler and the present giving I can probably on one-handed say the presents I bought for both of them and it was only like a big, big, big kind of birthdays. When I've given maybe some money or some something. I've seen that I thought, oh, they'll really appreciate that kind of thing and that's how we've always done it like if you see something that you think the other person will really, really really appreciate, then a present's fine. If not, don't worry about it. You know life moves on. A present's not vital, and I hope people feel that from me I don't. I don't want people to think that I'm a I'm I'm a mean-spirited person, but I carry the ethos and if any of my friends are listening to this, thinking I'm a dickhead, I carry the ethos as I would prefer to see your face and speak to you and socialise with you and see you regularly and that £30 you would have spent on a present for me, put the petrol in your car, buy a train ticket, whatever, come and see me, or let's go for a meal, or you know whatever. And I think that's that's how I am with presents now, like I've been, me and my wife this year for christmas, we didn't buy each other anything like not a single thing.

Stephen: 9:33

I was a little stressed thinking she might have bought me something, um, and then I wouldn't find anything because I literally it was. It was hard for me not to buy her anything. But yeah, literally we didn't do presents at all and, to my relief, she hadn't bought me anything at Christmas and it wasn't. I didn't miss it, if you know what I mean. Like, we do quite a lot of stuff together. We go out, we have meals out and we go on jaunts, and I was.

Stephen: 10:03

It was a little bit of a pressure from her side about money and the fact that we don't really need to do it. You, we, we don't. We have pretty much everything we want. If we want something, we'll just get it throughout the year, and I think it was more like, instead of buying each other stuff, that we're pretty good we, we kind of know each other one, so it's not normally tap, we buy each other, if modest. Um, I'm sure she'll be relieved to hear that and we we can just buy the stuff ourselves.

Stephen: 10:40

I think it was the whole pressure of trying to, you know, drop the presence of now she's been hospital as well, which doesn't doesn't help. She's fine, she's out of hospital now, but I think it was the whole pressure of being in hospital and trying to find gifts and she's not very well, and then wrapping them and, you know, trying to put them somewhere. And then we had wardrobes built and houses upside down. This still is because I've been trying to paint them today, as I said, um, it's taken so long to paint them bloody wardrobes ridiculous.

Stephen: 11:05

I almost wish that I could have got him to like paint the wood as he was going. Uh, he would have been taking like another two weeks, would have had to pay more money, it it was, uh, it's been very annoying anyway, but yeah, and it's been kind of kind of refreshing that me and Sarah didn't do presents this year, um, and she even told her mum and that not not to give us anything, um, which I kind of refreshing, that me and Sarah didn't do presents this year, um, and she even told her mum and that not not to give us anything, um, which I kind of missed because Gail's a pretty good gift giver. But uh, so the only people we we we've kept gifts on is, uh, my mate, scott. Do I even have a boy or anything yet? Because every time I go online to buy him a present it's out of stock or on pre-order and it doesn't. It gets delayed.

Stephen: 11:42

I've been really struggling this year with scott's presents because his birthday is four days after mine and it was the same for that it was late getting him his present for his birthday, or nearly late. I think I actually give it one time. But I pre-ordered some stuff for him which was meant to arrive before his birthday and they were both cancelled. Um, and then, right before christmas, I was like you know what? I saw something online and I was like you know what's on it, I'll go on that website and I'll buy them. I'll buy that thing. It just just to give him something. You know, because I know I like it.

Stephen: 12:13

I'll give him the other stuff in the new year because we're pretty good, we're into the same stuff and I don't think we've ever bought each other anything that we already have, even though we buy each other our interests, which is pretty cool really, and he always buys me something that I'd like would probably not buy myself, and I hope I do the same thing for him. Um, yeah, and I think we we kind of keep that up. Well, I wouldn't be bothered if, if you know, if we ever stop that, because my, my, my whole thing is, I would definitely prefer to see him rather than you know, be pressurized into constantly worrying about whether you know what presents are we going to get each other? I think that's something in in the new world new world, the current world, and, and for quite a long time, people uh focus on presents rather than maybe, the sentiment behind them.

Stephen: 13:04

Not everyone obviously not everyone, but I think it's going to have a hand about the demand on what children probably expect and what adults expect. And things are expensive, like I see things on social media of of children getting a disgusting amount of presents for christmas, um, and things are expensive. Like you see kids getting iphones and ipads like at the same time. So that's like two grand's worth of stuff potentially um 1500 pound at the moment. You know the minimum, probably if you buy the cheapest of each and you just think to yourself like that's insane. And then they'll get clothes and other knickknacks and chocolates and and, and you just think that's, that's a lot of money, that's a lot of money.

Stephen: 13:53

Um, I almost feel like them. I just feel like that if me and sarah um ever managed to have a child, um, that they're going to kind of miss out in some sense on them big presents, because I don't think I'll, I'll do, maybe I'll, maybe I'll feel different when I, when I have a kid, maybe it'll be like, oh, I want to give them everything and spoil them and and and sacrifice my own loves for that. But I feel like I won't. I feel like it'll have to be, you know, managed, like mine was. You know you can have a phone, you know, within reason, when you're old enough, but you're not getting it yet, um, and you're not getting a thousand pound iphone, or you're not getting a thousand pound ipad you know, um, and if you do, you're bloody gonna look, look after it.

Stephen: 14:43

You know it's going to have to last you three or four or five years, because that's something you can't change every year, you know. Well, I suppose you can, but I'm not paying for that, and I just think that when I see people at Christmas getting all these things, I'm just like, wow, there's a lot of pressure there and people put themselves in debt, like people will put stuff on the credit card over Christmas and then when that credit card comes in on on in January, ooh, I feel like it's gonna hurt a lot of people. Um, but yeah, so my whole thing is is don't buy me anything, I'd prefer to see your face. My whole thing is is don't buy me anything, I'd prefer to see your face. I would prefer to see um, see you. I would prefer the gift of you, and I think that that's been my kind of ethos for a long time.

Stephen: 15:34

I'm not sure how much I put that out there with my friends actually thinking about it, because, like, even with my friend's children, I don't really buy them presents. I would prefer to see them, and finding prefer to see them, and finding time to see them is a big thing. I need to do that more in the new year and so do they. To be fair, it works both ways. Relationships do. But I really need to see my friends' children more and I need to see my friends more, to be honest, and I think I need to kind of practice what I preach on that front. Yeah, but even in even that front, I don't really buy gifts. I would prefer to say, you know, token gifts here and there, but children get so much like I remember when I was a kid, like I didn't get tons and tons and tons of stuff. I got plenty and you can't even remember who got you what half the time, let alone what what some kids get now it does scare me somewhat. But yeah, I am very much of a give the gift, give the gift of you. Uh, let me see your face.

Stephen: 16:33

Um, I, I want to interact with people and it's kind of been nice that we didn't have all the waste this year of like throwing stuff in the bin after, you know, opening their presents. I mean, my mom always has to send a bloody package over from you know, I tell her not to. And she always has to send a few little knickknacks and stuff. I tell her not to, because I am actually quite picky on things. Now this is gonna sound like I'm an arsehole. I am quite finicky on like knickknacks and stuff. If you saw this room you wouldn't probably think so. But I am everyone's into their own things only and everyone likes their own way, and I'm picky with quite a lot of stuff, like, I'm very, very general stuff, I'm very picky and other things. I'm a very weird, odd guy, to be honest, but each you know, each to their own, isn't?

Stephen: 17:28

it the other day. We've all got our own. Uh, we've all got our own tastes, but my mom's bless her. She always sends something across. She feels the need to and it was, and it was nice what she said. You know, I think they've had a timu christmas in northern ireland and from what?

Stephen: 17:40

she said about my cousins and her, seems like every, every single gift has been something to do with timu or um, or maybe not all the presents but a lot of them, by the sounds of it, have been from Timu. A couple of my gifts she got me was like a plectrum holder, which unfortunately is too small to hold any of my plectrums, but it's in the shape of a guitar, like an acoustic guitar, with a little stand, but I can't figure out how the stand's meant to work. It's a bit odd really. And she bought me a mug with a guitar on it and sorry, mum, but you can tell that from Timu, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I was being sarcastic with you on the phone the other day. I will use the cup, though I've got loads of cups. I'm quite fussy about cups, but I will use the cup. I'll probably take it to work and have it as a desk mug with a guitar on um. But yeah, it's it, it's um.

Stephen: 18:33

It's nice to get a little little gifts and she always buys me here. She always has to buy me chocolate orange stuff terry's chocolate orange is the best. Um, yeah, it's nice to have little things, but um, I again I'd prefer to see her. If she lives in ireland, I would prefer to see her. I'd prefer that, however much money she spent on me was used to to pop over and and come and visit, rather than uh send me a present. It's cost a lot of money to send stuff, though, doesn't it? And uh it got. It went missing for two weeks as well, like it was a well-traveled parcel, because apparently it came to England and then got sent back to Ireland before coming back here again. So god knows what went on with that parcel. Um, but yeah, it's expensive, and I think that I don't know.

Stephen: 19:19

I sound like a right twat, I'm not gonna lie, but I just think the whole present giving is, and at Easter there's just chocolate. I mean, there's Easter stuff in the shops now, like we just even before Christmas had even happened, there was Easter eggs in our shops. Like that's ridiculous. Like calm yourself down, let us get over this diabetic period before you start throwing more diabetic stuff our way. Um, and then, yeah, again, we didn't really get loads of like Christmas eggs, christmas eggs, easter eggs, halloween isn't really get loads of help. Like Christmas eggs, christmas eggs, easter eggs, halloween. Isn't it really a thing? When I was a kid neither. To be honest. It was always Christmas and birthdays were like the thing, and then and then Mother's Day and Father's Day.

Stephen: 20:04

I've never really seen the point of them eat. I know I'm not a father yet, but I never really saw the point of them. I know I'm not a father yet, but I never really saw the point of them. I just thought it was like an extra thing to even. This is literally my view.

Stephen: 20:14

When I was a child as well, I was always thinking why do you get an extra day?

Stephen: 20:18

Because there's like birthdays and Christmas, like that's the time where I buy you something nice to say thank you and happy birthday, or Christmas is like for me is like a here's a Christmas present, this is how much I love you, kind of thing, which is which is wrong to think that, obviously, because the love comes from like obviously being with this, being with a person, supporting them and all that jazz, which is what I want from Christmas and birthdays, um, but you're always kind of like pressured into buying a Mothers and Fathers Day present, but I never really saw the point and I don't know if I'll. If I become a father, I don't know whether I'd celebrate it. To be honest, I don't know whether I would, whether I would be asked about it, maybe I would, maybe again, you know, things change, you get older, situations change and maybe, when I become a father, I'll be a terrible, terrible dad and I'll demand Father's Day presents and I'll demand that my child is spoiled to the nth degree.

Stephen: 21:18

I can't see it, though. I can't see it. So I think my message is you know, consider the environment as well. You know all these fucking tap presents and wrapping paper, that's. You know. Everyone bangs on about the environment. Why are we wrapping everything in paper? When they're already wrapped, you know what I mean? Put it in a bag reusable gift bag, bit of bit cell tape on top so they can't see. In it, it's quicker to open and there's no fucking excess waste. This is turning into a rant now. I better stop. I better stop.

Stephen: 21:50

What do you do at Christmas and birthdays? Do you celebrate Mother's and Father's Days? Do you celebrate Easter? Do you receive lots of presents? Do you like receiving presents? I mean, isn't that a silly question to say? Is that something that would be kind of a moot point? Isn't that? We all always like receiving presents? I do get present anxiety, though.

Stephen: 22:11

Giving and receiving, yeah, let me know. Let me know in your comments, in my comments. Put them in the comments section. And I'd be interested to know what people think about just the whole act of giving a present, whether it's worthless or meaningful. Oh, weddings is another thing, isn't it? Weddings, wedding lists of giving a present, whether it's worthless or meaningful. Oh, weddings is another thing, isn't it? Weddings, wedding lists, ridiculous wedding lists.

Stephen: 22:34

Anyway, I'm gonna stop there. I'm gonna stop because I'm gonna. I'm gonna start going on and I've been going far too long already. But, yeah, just let me know what you think. And, uh, would you try what we did this year and not give each other presents? What would you think about that? Well, thank you very much for listening. Um, do you need to do on social media? It'd be great if you follow me and give this a like and go listen to some other episodes. You know, go right back to the beginning, uh, when it was steven. Speak and try them episodes out. Give me some feedback, let me know how you think of the show, let me know how I can improve. Um, be nice, and I will speak to you all soon and remember, keep on prattling you've been listening to Infinite Drattle.

Stephen: 23:18

Thanks for listening. If you liked this episode, go back and listen to some others and please continue to listen. Your support is much appreciated. Please like, share, comment and subscribe and I'll speak to you all again soon. Take care, thank you.